This year we're combining with another crew for full frontal santa wickedness, an appropriate beginning for many of our holidays. As always many of the missus clauses are putting tender loving care into their outfits, and guys, step up.
Bring bags of goodies for children and random hotties, as well as your hip flasks.
Saturday December 20th
Meet at Transport Bar / Fed Square 7-8pm
Then we rampage
[remember... if you don't have pockets, you'll still need ID]
Places on the hit list so far: Chill Bar, Lounge, Night Owl
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SOME THINGS YOU'LL NEED TO KNOW:
How we deal with the public is very simple:
Generally speaking, the answer is "SANTA!"
Who's in charge? SANTA
Who are you with? SANTA
What organization are you with? SANTA
Who organized this? SANTA
Who made the Facebook group? SANTA
Where did you get the buses? SANTA
Who's that woman? SANTA
Who's that guy? SANTA
"Who is paying for all these drinks?" The Easter Bunny!
How did you get here? A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
There are always folks who figure honesty is the best policy, and that's fine. The aforementioned statements are true. Well, the last two are stretches for some, but what the heck!
All Santas are strongly advised to follow the four don'ts of Santarchy:
DON'T FUCK WITH THE COPS.
If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted, do it when you and I aren't dressed the same.
DON'T FUCK WITH STORE SECURITY.
If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it, or other Santas will take shit for it. Besides, they might call the cops and then we're dealing with the first fuck.
DON'T FUCK WITH LITTLE KIDS.
Seriously, this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough for some kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less worry for them. If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Feel free to urinate on their parents. Remember: The kids of today are the weirdoes of tomorrow.
DON'T FUCK WITH SANTA.
Santa Do's:
DO address every Santa as Santa, in the first, second, and third person, singular and plural.
DO have something ready to hand out, even if it's just candy canes.
DO many thorough soaks of your cleaning product containers before storing liquor in them. (If you haven't already done so, it may be too late to start now.)
DO be ready for new adventure at a moment's notice. Santa is like a shark, and must keep moving in order to thrive.
DO uphold the hallowed tradition of Never Washing the Suit.
To see where else in the world Santa will be rampaging check out the Global Santa Con movement at: http://santarchy.com/
Facebook event: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/event ... 432&ref=ts
