JOBS

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FunkyJ
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Re: JOBS

Post by FunkyJ » Wed Sep 16, 2009 4:04 pm

I have a mate who has been looking high and low for an experienced Hyperion Planning and Hyperion Essbase consultant with at least 2 + years implementation experience. His firm is looking to implement the product internally, plus outsource some of it to his clients.

At this stage looking to pay up to AUD$120k per annum, but that will increase as his firm grows, he says.

If anyone knows of anyone please pm me, and I'll pass on his details.
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Re: JOBS

Post by FunkyJ » Fri Nov 13, 2009 5:13 pm

Anyone got any work for a Games Producer/Tester/DJ/Journalist?

Krome had a bunch of lay offs today and unfortunately I was one of them :(
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Re: JOBS

Post by elysium » Sat Mar 06, 2010 8:41 pm

No joke, this was in the spec I just got sent by a recruiter for a legal job:

WORK ENVIRONMENT

The noise level in the environment is moderate.

PHYSICAL DEMANDS

While performing the duties of this job the employee is regularly required to sit and talk or hear. The employee is frequently required to use hands to finger, handle, or feel and reach with hands and arms. The employee is occasionally required to stand and walk. The employee is occasionally required to lift up to 10 pounds


Hilarious. True.
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deviant
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Re: JOBS

Post by deviant » Tue Mar 09, 2010 9:23 am

fingering at work?

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Re: JOBS

Post by C.I.A. » Tue Mar 09, 2010 9:57 am

Lol Elly!!!!

:smt005

HR have got to be taking the mickey with that one!! I get odd stuff for internal jobs in my inbox every week.... 'desperately seeking specialist in random obscure animal' kind of stuff:

We (Denver) have a project that requires a large ungulate expert. The job basically is to evaluate the impacts of snowmobiles on bison in Yellowstone Park.

This work will undergo tight scrutiny and likely will be litigated.

If you qualify (PhD and 10+ years of experience with wildlife -- large ungulates), please give me a call.


Hi

Artic - Sub Artic Specialist - URGENT PLEASE

Urgently looking for an internationally renowned specialist in artic-sub artic, ecosystems, mammals and whales in particular.

I suspect we dont have a whale specialist but surely we know of/use ones who do/understand commercially focused consultancy work.

The Toronto office are looking for some advice and assistance conducting an Earth Worm study in Ontario, Canada. I am looking to find someone who has experience in conducting Earth Worm studies.
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Re: JOBS

Post by elysium » Wed Mar 10, 2010 10:19 am

hehe, I love these! Knowing your ungulates from your cetaceans is just so much cooler than having the capacity to "occasionally...stand and walk".
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Re: JOBS

Post by kronz » Tue Mar 30, 2010 10:34 pm

Experienced penetration tester.

http://mycareer.com.au/search/jobs/VIC/ ... audit&pg=3

Even thought the division i work in does these they still make me laugh.
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Re: JOBS

Post by Blaxter » Wed Mar 31, 2010 8:55 am

lol @ penetration tester

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Re: JOBS

Post by youthful_implants » Wed Jun 23, 2010 4:36 pm

I need a new job!!! I finish up here next friday so if anyone knows anyone that needs a graphic designer/finished artist/music bellend

LET ME KNOW. pls. :)
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Re: JOBS

Post by C.I.A. » Wed Jun 23, 2010 4:52 pm

Lolz at penetration tester.

The geotech engineers in my office are all issued with pocket penetrometers when they start with us to test penetration in the field.

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Re: JOBS

Post by huge » Fri Jun 25, 2010 5:36 pm

Web/Digital Assistant job going here at Tennis Australia. contact me and i'll give more deets.

An excellent opportunity exists to join Tennis Australia (TA), the governing body of Tennis, Australia's favourite. We promote and facilitate participation in Tennis at all levels and also conduct national and international tournaments. The most widely recognised of these include the Australian Open (AO), the Australian Open Series (AOS), the Davis Cup and Fed Cup.

Reporting to the Web Producer, the Web/Digital Assistant is responsible for providing design and production support for Tennis Australia's digital products. You will also:

    Support the design and production of TA's digital products including desktop and mobile websites, email direct mail newsletters, flash banner ads and mobile applications.
    Administer and provide support on Content Management Systems of TA's websites.
    Manage TA's email direct mail newsletter system.
    Perform testing for new initiatives and functionality in the form of user acceptance and bug testing.
    Create designs from briefing and art direction
    Support and promote club and coach websites on tennis.com.au

To succeed in this position you must have experience in supporting websites, along with demonstrated digital design skills using PhotoShop/Fireworks or Illustrator, using and administering web-based content management systems and testing new technical features and functions. Tertiary qualifications in digital, web, multimedia, new media or graphics are desirable, along with the following skills, knowledge and attributes:

    Excellent interpersonal and communication skills (both written and verbal) to build strong working relationships with diverse and multiple stakeholders
    High attention to detail and the ability to organise and manage your time to meet deadlines
    Ability to work autonomously, with other team members and under pressure while using initiative
    Preparedness to be flexible with regard to working hours, particularly during peak operational times
    Technical skills including HTML and CSS
    Possess a positive, can-do attitude

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FoundationStepper
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Re: JOBS

Post by FoundationStepper » Fri Jun 25, 2010 5:43 pm

elysium wrote:No joke, this was in the spec I just got sent by a recruiter for a legal job:

WORK ENVIRONMENT

The noise level in the environment is moderate.

PHYSICAL DEMANDS

While performing the duties of this job the employee is regularly required to sit and talk or hear. The employee is frequently required to use hands to finger, handle, or feel and reach with hands and arms. The employee is occasionally required to stand and walk. The employee is occasionally required to lift up to 10 pounds


Hilarious. True.



i think these are becoming standard tbh - saw another one the other day. its probably for a disability/discriminiation reason.

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Re: JOBS

Post by elysium » Sat Jun 26, 2010 11:45 am

good point, I think you are spot on.


They did leave some key physical demands for a legal job however - they forgot:

employee must have high tolerance for extended periods of abject boredom and extreme irritation. Employee is required to undertake repetitive and meaningless tasks with little sleep for days on end. Whilst performing the duties of this job the employee may often feel like stabbing or poking pencils in their eye and/or jumping or launching themselves out the nearest open window.
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Re: JOBS

Post by quick » Thu Oct 07, 2010 7:22 pm

I think I might want to do real estate when I get back and finally start working again... anyone personally know one or is one/has been one?

I like the idea of being able to start my own business with it if I am good enough...

Don't know the process and how long it takes to get licensed etc... anyone know?
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Re: JOBS

Post by deviant » Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:01 am

My dad did it...

he hated it after a while... mega long hours etc... plus, everyone hates realestate agents, for a good reason... they are cunts

Try to get a job where they use the Jenman training/ethics programs...

http://www.jenman.com.au/

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Re: JOBS

Post by kiss & tell » Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:18 pm

everyday i'm hustlin'...

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quiet roar
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Re: JOBS

Post by quiet roar » Sun Oct 10, 2010 2:13 pm

deviant wrote: everyone hates realestate agents, for a good reason... they are cunts

This.
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quick
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Re: JOBS

Post by quick » Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:28 pm

quiet roar wrote:
deviant wrote: everyone hates realestate agents, for a good reason... they are cunts

This.


nice to see open minded people on here... :roll:
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Re: JOBS

Post by DBoy » Sun Oct 10, 2010 6:36 pm

oh damn it happened. Quick went travelling and turned into a friggin hippy.
Real-estate agents have feeling too!

pfft.

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Re: JOBS

Post by kiss & tell » Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:46 pm

I would love a job reviewing films

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Re: JOBS

Post by Lizkins » Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:43 am

quick wrote:
quiet roar wrote:
deviant wrote: everyone hates realestate agents, for a good reason... they are cunts

This.


nice to see open minded people on here... :roll:




nothing to do with open minded when it comes to real estate agents. i have had two that have been lovely, but they are so few and far between its ridiculous. Its the nature of the work Quickster, to be honest i am shocked you are thinking of it. Why not back to sales? You are killer at that job
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Re: JOBS

Post by quiet roar » Mon Oct 11, 2010 4:02 pm

quick wrote:
quiet roar wrote:
deviant wrote: everyone hates realestate agents, for a good reason... they are cunts

This.


nice to see open minded people on here... :roll:

ha ha ha. Why do you want to be a real estate agent, quick? Do you want to help people find accommodation that they like and can afford, or do you like the idea of making shitloads of money by over-inflating the worth of property and convincing as many people as possible that they need the place, and cannot afford not to purchase?

Used car, Insurance or Property sales: Don't kid yourself, it's all scumsville.
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Re: JOBS

Post by Lizkins » Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:12 pm

add advertising to that list


all hail the great and late Bill Hicks
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Re: JOBS

Post by quick » Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:19 pm

Lizkins wrote:add advertising to that list


all hail the great and late Bill Hicks


he actually refers to Marketing more than advertising, he does say marketing and advertising, but the gripe he has about it directly refers to the way marketing is done...

and what do you mean why don't i stick to sales? what do you think selling houses it? I love sales and love the fact that if i was good at real estate i could have my own business/agency one day, and i would love to have my own business, so that is a real plus. Just because there is a common perception of people in these industries having bad ethics is so not a reason i wouldn't do it, that is just stupid, if I would like to do it and am good at it, doesn't mean i am a cunt, i believe strongly in the ethics of sales... i did sell advertising before, remember Lizkins???

I remember looking to buy my house and having some extremely nice and helpful agents helping me out, a lot more than when looking to rent thats for sure. Plus the enjoyment people get from buying their house (as seen from people winning auctions etc) would be great to be part of on a weekly basis, making peoples dreams come true and all of that... there is a lot of emotion in the transaction of property and I would like to think that I will understand and respect that situation...
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Re: JOBS

Post by Hardy » Mon Oct 11, 2010 10:35 pm

quick wrote: if I would like to do it and am good at it, doesn't mean i am a cunt, i believe strongly in the ethics of sales... i did sell advertising before, remember Lizkins???


Exactly. It's Steve's personality that makes him a cunt, not his job.








:teef: :smt007

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Re: JOBS

Post by retzie » Tue Oct 12, 2010 9:52 am

quick wrote:I remember looking to buy my house and having some extremely nice and helpful agents helping me out, a lot more than when looking to rent thats for sure. Plus the enjoyment people get from buying their house (as seen from people winning auctions etc) would be great to be part of on a weekly basis, making peoples dreams come true and all of that... there is a lot of emotion in the transaction of property and I would like to think that I will understand and respect that situation...


Just remember that there is always a flip-side to this: you is going to have to break hearts, and lots of them. I say talk to someone in the biz, preferably someone who is not a cunt. Find out how the pressures play out for realz.





In other news, I am wondering very seriously about this career of mine. No idea if anyone would give me a real job though. Fuck.
:(
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Re: JOBS

Post by Lizkins » Tue Oct 12, 2010 12:07 pm

quick wrote:
Lizkins wrote:add advertising to that list


all hail the great and late Bill Hicks


he actually refers to Marketing more than advertising, he does say marketing and advertising, but the gripe he has about it directly refers to the way marketing is done...

and what do you mean why don't i stick to sales? what do you think selling houses it? I love sales and love the fact that if i was good at real estate i could have my own business/agency one day, and i would love to have my own business, so that is a real plus. Just because there is a common perception of people in these industries having bad ethics is so not a reason i wouldn't do it, that is just stupid, if I would like to do it and am good at it, doesn't mean i am a cunt, i believe strongly in the ethics of sales... i did sell advertising before, remember Lizkins???

I remember looking to buy my house and having some extremely nice and helpful agents helping me out, a lot more than when looking to rent thats for sure. Plus the enjoyment people get from buying their house (as seen from people winning auctions etc) would be great to be part of on a weekly basis, making peoples dreams come true and all of that... there is a lot of emotion in the transaction of property and I would like to think that I will understand and respect that situation...




semantics re marketing and advertising in terms of what Hicks was saying.

Of course they were nice when you were wanting to buy a house, they make more money out of selling homes over rentals. i thought rentals were agents bread and butter, but they are not. They are just an annoyance. As someone potentially new to the business you will have to probably do rentals before selling homes, and who knows how long that will be for.

And Retzie is spot on, you have one person/couple/family per house to sell too, with many others you will be saying no too.

i guess my concern is what you would be subjected too, and attitude change. It can be hard not to be affected by your work. i know when doing litiagtion, i did start arguing more with everyone in my personal life and didn't like the person i became as a result. Real estate agents seem to switch off to the personal side of things to get the job done. That would be hard to switch on and off for work and personal life.
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Re: JOBS

Post by youthful_implants » Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:42 pm

advertising, marketing, real estate, lawyers, plastic surgeons etc etc

the only reason these people get hated on is because they make lots of money doing something other people wish they had the initiative to do.

real estate agents are not responsible for house price inflation either, thats just free market economy and lack of sensible regulation doing what it does.

you cant tar them all with the same brush anyway thats just well racist. ;)
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Re: JOBS

Post by almax » Tue Oct 12, 2010 2:55 pm

I know a guy who started doing real estate, works with hocking stuart now, doing well.
However when he started the job, he lost his girlfriend due to the excessive hours he worked (6-7 days a week and LOOONG hours during the week too).
So yeah you can make a bit of coin, but seems you lose your life for the most part.
Come and work at my work Quickster, i was doing the payroll for about a month awhile back, some of the sales guys here were pulling $8-$9k per fortnight, the majority about $5-$6k per fortnight and the strugglers only (LOL) ~$3k per fortnight.

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Re: JOBS

Post by JAMESSSS » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:01 pm

There you go, work for two months then you can go to SE Asia for a year.
Don't hate me for house

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Re: JOBS

Post by retzie » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:10 pm

almax wrote:Come and work at my work Quickster, i was doing the payroll for about a month awhile back, some of the sales guys here were pulling $8-$9k per fortnight, the majority about $5-$6k per fortnight and the strugglers only (LOL) ~$3k per fortnight.


I, on the other hand, had the consular officer at my visa interview take one look at my offer letter and blurt out "Is that all they pay you??" :slayer:




I'm so glad my time, skills and personal sacrifice are being so handsomely rewarded :tard:
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Re: JOBS

Post by C.I.A. » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:16 pm

youthful_implants wrote:
the only reason these people get hated on is because they make lots of money doing something other people wish they had the initiative to do.



Errr, no, that's got nothing to do with the reason why I hate most of those professions.

I hate them because they are evil blood-sucking parasites who retreat into the anus of beelzebub every evening for a cup of hot babies souls, and they wipe their arses with the skins of puppies that they have personally skinned alive.
:teefnilly:
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Re: JOBS

Post by C.I.A. » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:20 pm

retzie wrote:
almax wrote:Come and work at my work Quickster, i was doing the payroll for about a month awhile back, some of the sales guys here were pulling $8-$9k per fortnight, the majority about $5-$6k per fortnight and the strugglers only (LOL) ~$3k per fortnight.


I, on the other hand, had the consular officer at my visa interview take one look at my offer letter and blurt out "Is that all they pay you??" :slayer:




I'm so glad my time, skills and personal sacrifice are being so handsomely rewarded :tard:


If munny is what you want, I'm sure Macqaurie bank would reward you handsomely for developing algorithms that, err, do tings and stuff.

My bro had an interview with them when he finished honours maths. Their comment in the interview was 'we see that you love jazz music. Perhaps finance isn't really your bag.'
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Re: JOBS

Post by retzie » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:32 pm

C.I.A. wrote:If munny is what you want, I'm sure Macqaurie bank would reward you handsomely for developing algorithms that, err, do tings and stuff.


Yeah, nah, never going to happen. I'd rather get a job filing :idiotsavanttendencies:

Luckily I don't really give a fuck about the money. It just pulls me up sometimes when I'm reminded how much they are taking the piss :?

C.I.A. wrote:My bro had an interview with them when he finished honours maths. Their comment in the interview was 'we see that you love jazz music. Perhaps finance isn't really your bag.'


:retzielikes:

Ideally, I'd find someone who'd pay me to make emoticons...
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Re: JOBS

Post by youthful_implants » Tue Oct 12, 2010 3:56 pm

C.I.A. wrote:
youthful_implants wrote:
the only reason these people get hated on is because they make lots of money doing something other people wish they had the initiative to do.



Errr, no, that's got nothing to do with the reason why I hate most of those professions.

I hate them because they are evil blood-sucking parasites who retreat into the anus of beelzebub every evening for a cup of hot babies souls, and they wipe their arses with the skins of puppies that they have personally skinned alive.
:teefnilly:


:lol:
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Re: JOBS

Post by huge » Tue Oct 12, 2010 4:03 pm

getting out of advertising was the best thing i did for my bank balance huhuh. was a hell of a lot of fun tho.
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Re: JOBS

Post by quiet roar » Tue Oct 12, 2010 5:58 pm

youthful_implants wrote:advertising, marketing, real estate, lawyers, plastic surgeons etc etc

the only reason these people get hated on is because they make lots of money doing something other people wish they had the initiative to do.

Bollocks!!

Says a lot about you, though.
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Re: JOBS

Post by quick » Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:14 pm

almax wrote:I know a guy who started doing real estate, works with hocking stuart now, doing well.
However when he started the job, he lost his girlfriend due to the excessive hours he worked (6-7 days a week and LOOONG hours during the week too).
So yeah you can make a bit of coin, but seems you lose your life for the most part.
Come and work at my work Quickster, i was doing the payroll for about a month awhile back, some of the sales guys here were pulling $8-$9k per fortnight, the majority about $5-$6k per fortnight and the strugglers only (LOL) ~$3k per fortnight.


yeah screw weekends... never want to work them again... will hit you up when i am back ;)
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Re: JOBS

Post by youthful_implants » Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:15 pm

quiet roar wrote:
youthful_implants wrote:advertising, marketing, real estate, lawyers, plastic surgeons etc etc

the only reason these people get hated on is because they make lots of money doing something other people wish they had the initiative to do.

Bollocks!!

Says a lot about you, though.


no it doesn't say anything about me actually. :teef:
Last edited by youthful_implants on Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: JOBS

Post by quick » Tue Oct 12, 2010 6:17 pm

agree YI
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Re: JOBS

Post by C.I.A. » Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:53 pm

Should that have read "a cup of hot babies' souls"?

Feck. Apostrophe WTF.

Lucky I don't write copy for a living.
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Re: JOBS

Post by deviant » Wed Oct 13, 2010 8:42 am

where do you work al?

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Re: JOBS

Post by Direkt » Wed Mar 23, 2011 11:52 am

Hey gang...

Got a FT job going here at work.

Office Administrator
Northern suburbs (Preston)
Responsibilities: accounts receivable, invoicing, banking, general office admin, telephone answering.

You will need to have basic skills with MS Office but more importantly, have the ability to pick up new systems quickly.

The successful applicant will also have very strong customer service skills, strong communication and be able to work to tight deadlines and with limited supervision.


You'll be working in the music industry, in a pretty fun and relatively relaxed atmosphere...

Hit me up ASAP if interested, we're interviewing now.

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deviant
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Re: JOBS

Post by deviant » Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:28 pm

are you allowed to post on MB.C all day?

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witty_pseudonym
Posts: 11779
Joined: Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:53 am
Location: betwixt and between

Re: JOBS

Post by witty_pseudonym » Wed Mar 23, 2011 12:30 pm

i need part time admin/research/editing/comms/marketing not accounts/reception pls.
...

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Direkt
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Re: JOBS

Post by Direkt » Wed Mar 23, 2011 1:02 pm

deviant wrote:are you allowed to post on MB.C all day?

Apparently.

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deviant
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Re: JOBS

Post by deviant » Wed Mar 23, 2011 1:12 pm

nice, hook me up :P

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Direkt
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Re: JOBS

Post by Direkt » Wed Mar 23, 2011 1:45 pm

deviant wrote:nice, hook me up :P

:donk:

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ghetto kitty
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Re: JOBS

Post by ghetto kitty » Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:19 pm

trailing assistants is hard.

:tard:

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quick
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Re: JOBS

Post by quick » Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:21 pm

applied for 4 jobs today... will be workin for the first time in 19 months soon... kinda excited
I kissed a squirrel and I liked it... taste of her acorn chapstick

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