TEN YEARS OF NOTHING - not one fucking thing!

For all your off topic conversation requirements. No posts about gigs please, use the Music forum. As usual, no "NSFW" material, keep it clean.
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enak
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by enak »

calstro wrote:
enak wrote:Alright, I just bought this:http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll ... 0429654509

Place your bets now on whether I'll ever see it. :wink:

And no, money has not changed hands.
item has been removed....


what was it?
CDJ1000Mk2


.....for $300.

Got an email from the guy (listing said he was in Frankston) who said he was on a 'special project' in China and would send it from there.

For ten bucks. :tard:

Said his Paypal was down (?) and that I should just deposit cash into his account. No worry for you friend is original authentic very nice, you are happy for you when opening.

Ten minutes later got a note from ebay telling me to ignore the fuckwit and they're dealing with him.

Was great for shits and giggles for an hour or so. :lol:
"I've never been a fan of virtuoso/performance displays of skill, to be honest; wanky guitar-solos get on my tits. I want music that moves me, not that impresses me."
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by enak »

deviant wrote:
Image
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Used to have that on the wall of my cubicle at my first job.

In 1988. :P
"I've never been a fan of virtuoso/performance displays of skill, to be honest; wanky guitar-solos get on my tits. I want music that moves me, not that impresses me."
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by kronz »

A friend of mine is in need of a computer programer to do casual work.
Looking for with someone with PHP and mysql experience willing to do contract work on web projects.

Experience with AJAX required and dojo experience would be a bonus. Pay would be around $30 an hour. Hours per week would be on a project by project basis.

The work is interesting and involves working with the latest web API's including twitter API and google maps API and others, so if you like web mashups this would be perfect.
If anyone is interested, PM me and I'll hook it up for you.

Cheers
GO CATS! GO CATS!
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by Mellogs »

Hello old friends
Long time no see
What's crackin?

:smt006
...and basically that's the situation
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by Direkt »

Wow... Meltron... long times around these parts... wassup?
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by almax »

Hello Melanie :smt006
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by ADD_Boy »

hey Mel !!
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by Lizkins »

Afternoon motley lot :smt006


hey Mel!!! :smt006
live your life like every week is shark week
click here fo fotos
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by kronz »

Hi All + Mel
GO CATS! GO CATS!
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by DBoy »

Morning stalagmites and stalactites.
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by Fents »

DBoy wrote:Morning stalagmites and stalactites.
i would murder one of their souva's right now.
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by system »

DRS wrote:It’s uplifting while we drift through time,
‘cause we keep pushing the vibe.
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by deviant »

system wrote:one for cammo:

Image
as if that's not a reason to go back to Japan!
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by gnat »

lol random this morning i was walking in down royal parade and there were THREE polish sausage things kinds strewn in the wet grass about 3 feet apart each. v visual with dew on them. wtf? dropped? art?
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind - Dr. Seuss
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Re: THE THREAD ABOUT NOTHING!

Post by DBoy »

s'crackin fools.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by system »

DRS wrote:It’s uplifting while we drift through time,
‘cause we keep pushing the vibe.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by youthful_implants »

So glad its Friday, dont even know what I'm going to do with the weekend yet.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by DBoy »

Image
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by Amick »

needs more arrows
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by Lephrenic »

system wrote:hanging with jack.
Love that movie.

Watch the posted video on YouTube.

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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by DBoy »

THe link to ---> knowledge reigns supreme over nearly everyone .... may have been a bit loose.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by witty_pseudonym »

cmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarn 5pm faaaaaaaaaaaaaaarkhen.
...
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by apophenian »

Wow, has everyone got the swine today?

Very very quiet...
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by apophenian »

IT'S NOT THE FRIDAY THREAD!!!
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Re: I CAN BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by apophenian »

ahem.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by almax »

Spider email guy at it again
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/fe ... dlord.html

He received a letter regarding complaints about dogs in his apartment...

Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am

To: Helen Bailey

Subject: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Thank you for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Helen Bailey

Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you have at the premises?

Helen



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm

To: Helen Bailey

Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing.

I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled championships.

For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released adrenaline will spur them on to being winners.

I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on coming first place.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Helen Bailey

Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am unsure what to make of your email. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?

Helen



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am

To: Helen Bailey

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

No. I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours.

The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh.

Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Helen Bailey

Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1.46pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

You cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs others. I am sure you can appreciate that these rules are for the benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You cannot have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be ok.

Helen



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2.18pm

To: Helen Bailey

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

They are very small ducks.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Helen Bailey

Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4.06pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, under section 4 of the strata residency agreement it states that you cannot have pets. You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms.

These rules are set out to benefit everyone in the building including yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?

Helen



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5.02pm

To: Helen Bailey

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon so it will not be an issue. It is probably for the best as they are not getting along very well with my seventeen cats anyway. .

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Helen Bailey

Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9.22am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated and you do not have any pets.

Helen



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




AND HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED WHEN HE RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM HIS GYM....



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From:Jeff Peters

Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and I will renew my membership immediately.

Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Jeff Peters

Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Jeff Peters

Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six months.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing.

I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying.

My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Jeff Peters

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals.

I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back.


Advertisement


He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Jeff Peters

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f$*k yourself.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse.

As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends.

If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around me as well.

There are probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find myself at peace.

I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Jeff Peters

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Ok.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: Jeff Peters

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm

To: Jeff Peters

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by youthful_implants »

LOL thats very funny.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by Lizkins »

afternoon motley lot :smt006


drowning under the piles of work i have :tard:


spider dude is awesome
live your life like every week is shark week
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by ghetto kitty »

:)

'By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing."

i love this guy.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by enak »

Holy shit - funniest thing I've read yonks - fuckin' tears coming out my eyes.
"I've never been a fan of virtuoso/performance displays of skill, to be honest; wanky guitar-solos get on my tits. I want music that moves me, not that impresses me."
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by almax »

email sent around my work, seems the sales team on a different floor have some issues...

Guys, this has to be one of the strangest emails I have ever written.

To start, let me first say, I appreciate there are cultural sensitivities around this, and I am not picking on any group, however we have a serious situation, and a duty of care to all our staff, which by necessity overrides any cultural sensitivities. Se please see this as such. I need to be blunt to make the point.

Guys, we a situation where certain people prefer to squat over toilets, rather than sit. However, western toilets are not designed for squatting, and as a result we are having some issues.
Firstly, we are breaking large numbers of toilet seats.
Secondly, it’s not particularly hygienic, to stand with dirty shoes where others will be sitting bare bummed.
And finally, and most importantly, some of you accuracy is not particularly good, and frankly you are defecating on the seats. Now this is extremely unhygienic and not good OH&S practice. Even wiping it up, does not sanitise the seat. What’s even more frustrating is that some people are not even attempting to clean up their mess, and are carrying crap all over the call centre, or other people are standing in it.

The same principle applies to the sitters in terms of making a mess. Don’t!

Frankly, this is just completely unacceptable, and cannot be tolerated.

:puke:
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by mecka »

Squat toilets for the LOSE.

Religions make perfect sense.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by aroes »

almax wrote:

Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness.
:lol:
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by apophenian »

I think we need one of these at our toilets - someone had done a dump right in front of the handbasin!
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by apophenian »

Yeah, not even close
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by ghetto kitty »

hahaha, after 3 weks of no sitting, i dont have a huge problem with squat toilets apart from dropping ones pants or skirt into the wetness, which is annoying and ew.
it is actually better for one's digestion etc etc, however, when one is in a country with sit downs, one should sit.
do as the romans do etc.
def need those signs to instruct imo. apparently there is also problems with people trying to stand on/poo in urinals!
tricky business indeed.

god it was a nice moment when i got to sit on my own dry toilet, with an abundance of paper for me to use at will.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by Jinx »

Reverse kanga FTL!
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by deviant »

sorry jinx, but reverse kanga is a win.
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by witty_pseudonym »

:lol:

we had a similar situation at work recently. girls stuffing wrapped up turds in the sanitary bins.
i mean...wtf? the logistics alone are mind boggling.
but i must say, i lolled so hard when the facilities manager went to pull out empty toilet rolls from the bins, only to find teh poos instead.
dirty bitches.
...
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by aroes »

:tard:
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by Lizkins »

OMG that is all fuckin filth! ewwwwww totally grossed out and then some.
live your life like every week is shark week
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by witty_pseudonym »

full on. filth!
...
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by JAMESSSS »

Were they putting little bows on them?

Or was it less like a present, more like a surprise?
Don't hate me for house
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Lizkins
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Re: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT (the) FRIDAY (thread)

Post by Lizkins »

surprise poo, the gift you didn't expect
live your life like every week is shark week
click here fo fotos
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