Dad's Jokes
Dad's Jokes
I've seen this term on here a bit lately....... So I thought we sould compile our favs in a thread!
"Dad, is there something in my eye?"
Dad - "Yeah, an eyeball!"
or
"Dad, I'm hungry"
Dad - "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!"
"Dad, is there something in my eye?"
Dad - "Yeah, an eyeball!"
or
"Dad, I'm hungry"
Dad - "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad!"
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Why did the koala fall out of the tree??
Cos it was dead.....
Where do you find a dog with 2 legs?
Where you left it.....
Cos it was dead.....
Where do you find a dog with 2 legs?
Where you left it.....
Last edited by Lil MiSbreaks on Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Or a variation on mrj's:
Person 1: "Where's ya bin?"
Person 2: "I's been on holidays..."
Person 1: "Nah, where's ya wheelie bin?"
Person 2: "Oh, I's wheelie bin in jail!"
And then there's the:
"Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"
"Better than a slap in the guts with a dead fish" (WTF?)
"Wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him" etc etc
Person 1: "Where's ya bin?"
Person 2: "I's been on holidays..."
Person 1: "Nah, where's ya wheelie bin?"
Person 2: "Oh, I's wheelie bin in jail!"
And then there's the:
"Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick"
"Better than a slap in the guts with a dead fish" (WTF?)
"Wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him" etc etc
There's a lady walking down the street carrying a duck under her arm. Walking towards her is a man, who says "Nice looking pig you've got there"
The lady replies "Its not a pig, its a duck!"
The man says "I wasnt talking to you, I was talking to the duck"
__________________________
The one about the bear and the rabbit always gets me too. Only cause he tells it after a bottle of Jamiesons, and puts sound effects into it
The lady replies "Its not a pig, its a duck!"
The man says "I wasnt talking to you, I was talking to the duck"
__________________________
The one about the bear and the rabbit always gets me too. Only cause he tells it after a bottle of Jamiesons, and puts sound effects into it
...and basically that's the situation
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my mates dad came up with a good one....
one day we were in good ol' porepunkah at a fate and my mates dad bought us hot jam donughts.....on giving them to us he said...
"if they're too hot , take your jumper off"
i though he was the greatest comedian that had ever lived, of course i was 13.
one day we were in good ol' porepunkah at a fate and my mates dad bought us hot jam donughts.....on giving them to us he said...
"if they're too hot , take your jumper off"
i though he was the greatest comedian that had ever lived, of course i was 13.
"Are we there yet"?
"Soon enough!"
"That's not soon enough"
"Soon enough!"
"That's not soon enough"
- witty_pseudonym
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I just used to go "get me a drink slut"Fents wrote:Another gold one :
We were sitting round the dinner table when i was about 5 or so and dad whispers into my ear "say this to ur mum"
"pass the honey, honey"
"pass the suguar, suguar"
"pass the TEA, BAG"
If i wasnt five and cute i would of copped a woodenspoon from mum i reckon.
didn't go down so well.
He's climbing in your windows, he's snatching your people up.
my dad, as much as a wonderful man for whom I have so much respect, he is just not funny.... when we used to go over a big dipper in the car...
"whats the matter son? did you lose your stomach?"
"yep"
then the massive massive punch line...
".... well we better go back and get it then!" badoom*ching!
................... .......
"whats the matter son? did you lose your stomach?"
"yep"
then the massive massive punch line...
".... well we better go back and get it then!" badoom*ching!
................... .......
- factory worker
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I am a dad so every joke I make could be listed...
and they a tonne ruder than these ones^^^
and they a tonne ruder than these ones^^^
Who made you Judge Judy and Executioner?
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http://www.soundcloud.com/directive
http://www.myspace.com/directivednb
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mrj wrote:I just used to go "get me a drink slut"Fents wrote:Another gold one :
We were sitting round the dinner table when i was about 5 or so and dad whispers into my ear "say this to ur mum"
"pass the honey, honey"
"pass the suguar, suguar"
"pass the TEA, BAG"
If i wasnt five and cute i would of copped a woodenspoon from mum i reckon.
didn't go down so well.
Nice !
PUCK YOU MISS ~~!
- bobinabottle
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Whan asking my dad how old he is he always replied....
"I'm as old as my tounge and a little older than my teeth". Then he'd laugh at his own joke.
Uh. Thanks.
"I'm as old as my tounge and a little older than my teeth". Then he'd laugh at his own joke.
Uh. Thanks.
I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be the center of attention. I wanted the glory, I wanted the fame. I wanted the pretty girls to come up and say, "Hi, I see that you're good at Centipede."
while traipsing around tallinn (medieval city) the other day, we were looking at a variety of 13th-century buildings.
dad: 'i've never been somewhere so old before. i bet you can find the exact room where the liberal party policies were formed'.
dad: 'i've never been somewhere so old before. i bet you can find the exact room where the liberal party policies were formed'.
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aroes wrote:promising, but lost me at offensive mid range snarl
- a1studmuffin
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'i'm a little hungry'
'oh dan, you're not that little'
'oh dan, you're not that little'
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aroes wrote:promising, but lost me at offensive mid range snarl
yep... I think we copped that one every time there were peas for dinner.ArrBee wrote:For me it would have to be the pea jokes that I remember.
When they roll off the plate he would joke about peeing on the table. :/
Even more hilarity would ensue if it rolled off the table because then he would have peed on the floor.
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