A duck....

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 7:59 pm

... walks into a police interegation room, seconds before the suspect confesses

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:06 pm

... a duck chews on his own foot for just under an hour. His foot was wet with saliva after that, but it only took a few minuets to dry.

reverb · Post by **reverb** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 9:56 pm

..walks into a bar..

qquuaaacckk it was an iron bar

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Mon Feb 27, 2006 10:14 pm

town ducks gather in solidarity for oppressed pidgeons

quick · Post by **quick** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 11:58 am

Contrary to popular belief, water doesn't roll off a ducks back. Instead it sinks deep into the ducks core, causing a great deal of emotional trauma...

PahMaLa · Post by **PahMaLa** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:10 pm

Only female ducks quack

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:15 pm

:duckie::duckie::duckie: SHOCK NEWSFLASH

:duckie::duckie::duckie:
== Senior Duck Chancelor overheard on council meeting tape recording: "These hippie cunt's are gonna pay" ==

mrj · Post by **mrj** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:17 pm

Hi, you've reached the duck hotline. Here are some words that rhyme with duck...luck.....truck......stuck....azbuck

T MONEY · Post by **T MONEY** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:44 pm

did you know that a duck's quack has no echo effect.....whhooow....trippy

quick · Post by **quick** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:46 pm

mrj wrote:Hi, you've reached the duck hotline. Here are some words that rhyme with duck...luck.....truck......stuck....azbuck

maybe you and I should get married some day?

T MONEY · Post by **T MONEY** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:47 pm

When the ducky-boys get here, tell them i'll see them later, they know where to find me!

quick · Post by **quick** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:49 pm

D wrote:Only female ducks quack

there are only female ducks... males are called drakes

stovequeen · Post by **stovequeen** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:54 pm

"quack, quack its the duck with the rabbit ears!"

T MONEY · Post by **T MONEY** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:57 pm

A duck walks into a bar wearing a hardhat, sits at the bar and says to the bartender" look mate im working up the road at the construction site and i'll come in every day about 4pm and all i want is a beer and a packet of chips, no flack, just the beer and the chips"
bartender says cool, and serves the duck.
This goes on for about a week,
One day, a man comes in and says to the bartender, "Give us a beer mate, i'm workin on the circus tent up the road" The bartender says "really, the circus? I've got the best thing for you, this duck comes from a construction site in everyday at 4 and asks for a packet of chips and a beer"
"what??" says the man "a taking duck? when he comes in tell him i'll meet him at five, i'll give him some work!"
So at 4 the duck comes in and sits at the bar.
"Hey duck, i've got some great news for you, This guy putting up the circus tent up the road says he's got some work for you"
"Circus eh?" says the duck
"what the hell would they want with a plasterer?"

T MONEY · Post by **T MONEY** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 1:30 pm

Whats yellow and steals soap from the bathtub....

a robber duckie

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 1:34 pm

Sydney Ducky!

Caribean Ducky!

Pyramid Ducky!

Sacred Ducky!

Grand High Mayan Duckie!

Gladiator Duckie Maximus!

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 3:50 pm

a duck tried the new 'My Dog' recipie, "Not too bad" he said.

quick · Post by **quick** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 3:52 pm

Ducks love raves... there they become.....PEAKING DUCK!!!!

gnat · Post by **gnat** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 3:54 pm

quick wrote:Ducks love raves... there they become.....PEAKING DUCK!!!!

That made my arvo Quicksta

quick · Post by **quick** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 3:56 pm

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 3:57 pm

if anyone is going anywhere they can take duckie for a photo let me know

PahMaLa · Post by **PahMaLa** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 5:50 pm

quick wrote:Ducks love raves... there they become.....PEAKING DUCK!!!!

Schizo! · Post by **Schizo!** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:37 pm

Ok I must be out of the loop......

Ducks?

mixtress · Post by **mixtress** » Tue Feb 28, 2006 9:39 pm

Ok, I think the premise of this thread is to find cool locations for the duck to be photographed in.

Am I right?? Bert??

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:04 am

no! thats one of its many tangets. As long as its about ducks, and its funny, either sight gag (photos), or a dad joke (quick), or just something that produces funny imagery, then you may post it

.

seriously though, a duck walks into a police interegation room seconds before the suspect confesses..... just imagine that... make a little movie of it in your mind... tell me its not funny.... :DD

Flash · Post by **Flash** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:31 am

STDU!
( shut the duck up)

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:48 am

BAHAH now we're talkin!

Lephrenic · Post by **Lephrenic** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 12:58 am

Mellogs · Post by **Mellogs** » Wed Mar 01, 2006 9:48 am

Lephrenic · Post by **Lephrenic** » Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:49 am

A good film:

So many good lines from Groucho.

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home."

"I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After you get there you're on your own."

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honour, which is probably more than she ever did."

"Married. I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove."

"I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."

Brain · Post by **Brain** » Thu Mar 02, 2006 3:07 pm

[Mod Edit: Removed]

Lephrenic · Post by **Lephrenic** » Fri Mar 03, 2006 4:38 am

I can't sleep. Ate too much duck tonight.

flippo · Post by **flippo** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 11:39 am

Post by **huge** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 12:32 pm

flippo wrote:... a duck chews on his own foot for just under an hour. His foot was wet with saliva after that, but it only took a few minuets to dry.

Post by **system** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 12:42 pm

huge wrote:
flippo wrote:... a duck chews on his own foot for just under an hour. His foot was wet with saliva after that, but it only took a few minuets to dry.

Did people dance to the minuet? Biggups to 3/4 time.

Fents · Post by **Fents** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:45 pm

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:52 pm

So this duck walks into a pet store and says to the clerk, "Got any duck food?"
"No", says the clerk, "we only sell dog food and cat food."
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?"
The clerk once again replies, "No, like I told you, we only sell cat food and dog food."
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?"
The clerk says "Hey look, I told you two times already that we only sell cat food and dog food!"
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any duck food?"
This time the clerk yells "We don't sell any duck food and if you come in here one more time asking, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to the ground!"
"OK", says the duck and walks out.
The next day the duck walks in the store and says "Uh, got any nails?"
"No", says the confused clerk.
The duck says, "Got any duck food?"

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:54 pm

A duck walks into a pub and says to the barman
"Has my brother been in here"
The barman says"What does he look like".

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:56 pm

A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room. He returned a few moments later with a cat.

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. She screamed, "$150.00!" "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."

almax · Post by **almax** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:57 pm

Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck GOOSE!

Lephrenic · Post by **Lephrenic** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:02 am

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Bake it in the oven until its bill withers.

Hardy · Post by **Hardy** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:10 am

Lephrenic wrote:How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Bake it in the oven until its bill withers.

BAM!!!

witty_pseudonym · Post by **witty_pseudonym** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:20 am

DUCKSTEP

womwomwomwomQUACK

same o · Post by **same o** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:33 am

they know what is what, but they dont know what is what, they just strut, what the duck

Post by **fooishbar** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:21 pm

Lephrenic wrote:

LEIGH YOU ARE THE KING OF THE INTERNET.

Post by **fooishbar** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:21 pm

same o wrote:they know what is what, but they dont know what is what, they just strut, what the duck

what was that duck argument tune?

Post by **system** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 5:39 pm

gold, heggsy!

quick · Post by **quick** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:52 pm

you wanna do what with my bill?

deviant · Post by **deviant** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 11:58 pm

can some admin person PLEEEZ change quick's name to "quack"... just for one day

Post by **fooishbar** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:03 am

what's in it for me?

Melbourne Beats

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