joke.
- youthful_implants
- Posts: 4379
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Re: joke.
hahaha.
how not to pick up a female archaeologist?
hand her a used jam rag and tell her its from her period.
how not to pick up a female archaeologist?
hand her a used jam rag and tell her its from her period.
Re: joke.
Zen Teachings
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind screen.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Shifty-Sly
- Posts: 437
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:19 pm
Re: joke.
Home from work now and can join the fun.....
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a apple?
you dont cum on a apple before you eat it
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a apple?
you dont cum on a apple before you eat it
- Shifty-Sly
- Posts: 437
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:19 pm
Re: joke.
whats the better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?
not being a fucking retard
not being a fucking retard
Re: joke.
lol I like that one.
http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/NAKEDAGE
http://www.myspace.com/HousingCommission
NO ONE CAN PLEASE ME LIKE I CAN
http://www.myspace.com/HousingCommission
NO ONE CAN PLEASE ME LIKE I CAN
Re: joke.
how do you make a baby float?
Take your foot off its head
Take your foot off its head
http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/NAKEDAGE
http://www.myspace.com/HousingCommission
NO ONE CAN PLEASE ME LIKE I CAN
http://www.myspace.com/HousingCommission
NO ONE CAN PLEASE ME LIKE I CAN
- Shifty-Sly
- Posts: 437
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:19 pm
Re: joke.
A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything,
just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was
looking at the shit on your forehead."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69'ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything,
just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was
looking at the shit on your forehead."
Re: joke.
hahahahahaha
oh man
oh man
myspace / too much! / photos (flickr) / photos (tumblr)
aroes wrote:promising, but lost me at offensive mid range snarl
- Shifty-Sly
- Posts: 437
- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:19 pm
Re: joke.
whats red, white, wet and screams?
A freshly peeled and salted baby
A freshly peeled and salted baby
Last edited by Shifty-Sly on Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- huge
- old boy
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Re: joke.
lol hergg
http://www.thelittlemule.com - tredleys and caffeine
http://www.dubstep.com.au - aussie dubstep forums
http://www.dubstep.com.au - aussie dubstep forums
Re: joke.
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed, I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' 'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
I kissed a squirrel and I liked it... taste of her acorn chapstick
Re: joke.
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'
And that's how the fight started.....
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'
And that's how the fight started.....
I kissed a squirrel and I liked it... taste of her acorn chapstick
Re: joke.
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's when the fight started.....
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And that's when the fight started.....
I kissed a squirrel and I liked it... taste of her acorn chapstick
- youthful_implants
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- Gliding High
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- Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:56 pm
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Re: joke.
Q. Why do you wrap a hamster in electrical tape?
A. So when you fuck it it doesn't blow up.
A. So when you fuck it it doesn't blow up.
- Gliding High
- Posts: 199
- Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:56 pm
- Location: Little Evil's evil cave, 666 Nasty St, Horribleville
Re: joke.
Q: What's the only animal on Earth with a cunt halfway up its back?
A: A police horse
A: A police horse
- Gliding High
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Re: joke.
Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.
A: A pig with a flick knife.
- Gliding High
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- Joined: Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:56 pm
- Location: Little Evil's evil cave, 666 Nasty St, Horribleville
Re: joke.
Q: What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little boy once he was in the car?
A: Hey kid, go easy on the sweets.
A: Hey kid, go easy on the sweets.
- Shifty-Sly
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- Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:19 pm
- youthful_implants
- Posts: 4379
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Re: joke.
Whats the difference between a dead hooker and the global credit crisis?
the global credit crisis fucks YOU in the ass.
the global credit crisis fucks YOU in the ass.
- Coco Grimes
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Re: joke.
what is the biggest cause of peadophillia....?
sexy kids
sexy kids
MY BEDROOM IS PAINTED RED. ITS A HORRIBLY VIOLENT SHADE OF RED BUT I'M AFRAID TO CHANGE IT BECAUSE I FEEL I MIGHT MAKE LESS AGGRESSIVE MUSIC IF I DO.
- youthful_implants
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Re: joke.
An inflatable kid at an inflatable school was reprimanded by the headmaster for bring in a pin.
"You've let yourself down, you've let the school down...."
"You've let yourself down, you've let the school down...."
Re: joke.
that made me lolyouthful_implants wrote:An inflatable kid at an inflatable school was reprimanded by the headmaster for bring in a pin.
"You've let yourself down, you've let the school down...."
Re: joke.
That jokes meant to go on for a bit, I've never heard it so summarised. I like the long version better...deviant wrote:that made me lolyouthful_implants wrote:An inflatable kid at an inflatable school was reprimanded by the headmaster for bring in a pin.
"You've let yourself down, you've let the school down...."
Inflatable Boy
The inflatable boy who goes to the inflatable school was sitting at his inflatable desk listening to the inflatable teacher give the inflatable lesson. He said to himself, “I’m inflatably bored,” got up and snuck out.
Walking down the inflatable corridor he suddenly sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him, so he pulls out an inflatable knife and stabs him!
Pwwffhffhffffffffffsssssssssssshfffbblbblblbsh!
He runs out of the inflatable school, but as he get out he thinks, “I’m in inflatable trouble now, have to hide the inflatable evidence,” and pulls his inflatable knife out and stabs the inflatable school!
PFFFFFFFFFFPWFffffffsssfffsfffssfsfppfffffssffffbblblbblsfsssh!
He runs to his inflatable home, but he’s overcome with inflatable remorse, so he pulls out the inflatable knife and stabs himself!
Pffffwwffffffh!
He wakes up and finds himself in an inflatable hospital bed. He turns his inflatable head and there in the inflatable bed next to him is the deflated headmaster. Shaking his head more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones:
“You’ve let me down, you’ve let the school down, but worst of all, you’ve let yourself down.”
Only the meek get pinched...the bold survive
- FoundationStepper
- Posts: 3556
- Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2006 8:55 am
Re: joke.
i like the short version better
croaking lizard... jungletasticdubcorebadness (brap brap)
surface resonance... sound and vibration arts (buzz hum)
surface resonance... sound and vibration arts (buzz hum)
- youthful_implants
- Posts: 4379
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Re: joke.
hahaha! nice.nic wrote:i dint even know any jokes sorry.
the only one i know and often deliver wrong is
how do you make a hormone
kick her in the cunt
its not even really a joke, and sometimes people dun understand.
- breaksRbest
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Re: joke.
Little Johnny runs inside all excited and goes straight up to his Dad
"Hey Dad, I got my first Root at school today!"
"That's great Johnny! To congratulate you I'm gonna go & buy you a brand new bike"
"Thanks Dad, but can I wait until my bum heals?"
"Hey Dad, I got my first Root at school today!"
"That's great Johnny! To congratulate you I'm gonna go & buy you a brand new bike"
"Thanks Dad, but can I wait until my bum heals?"
I think I am, Therefore I am. I think
Re: joke.
That joke is so gay.
Re: joke.
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAmixtress wrote:That jokes meant to go on for a bit, I've never heard it so summarised. I like the long version better...deviant wrote:that made me lolyouthful_implants wrote:An inflatable kid at an inflatable school was reprimanded by the headmaster for bring in a pin.
"You've let yourself down, you've let the school down...."
Inflatable Boy
The inflatable boy who goes to the inflatable school was sitting at his inflatable desk listening to the inflatable teacher give the inflatable lesson. He said to himself, “I’m inflatably bored,” got up and snuck out.
Walking down the inflatable corridor he suddenly sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him, so he pulls out an inflatable knife and stabs him!
Pwwffhffhffffffffffsssssssssssshfffbblbblblbsh!
He runs out of the inflatable school, but as he get out he thinks, “I’m in inflatable trouble now, have to hide the inflatable evidence,” and pulls his inflatable knife out and stabs the inflatable school!
PFFFFFFFFFFPWFffffffsssfffsfffssfsfppfffffssffffbblblbblsfsssh!
He runs to his inflatable home, but he’s overcome with inflatable remorse, so he pulls out the inflatable knife and stabs himself!
Pffffwwffffffh!
He wakes up and finds himself in an inflatable hospital bed. He turns his inflatable head and there in the inflatable bed next to him is the deflated headmaster. Shaking his head more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones:
“You’ve let me down, you’ve let the school down, but worst of all, you’ve let yourself down.”
that joke rocks.
He's climbing in your windows, he's snatching your people up.
- youthful_implants
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- lilstormer
- Posts: 2015
- Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 12:02 pm
- Location: away with the pixies
Re: joke.
Police have confirmed that two Premiership footballers have had their houses burgled on the same night last Tuesday.
Ryan Giggs had 70 welsh caps, 10 premiership medals, 2 champions league medals, 5 FA cup medals, 1 league cup medal, 2 world club cup medals, 8 charity shield medals and 1 super cup medal stolen.
Emmanuel Adebayor lost a kettle and a toaster.
Ryan Giggs had 70 welsh caps, 10 premiership medals, 2 champions league medals, 5 FA cup medals, 1 league cup medal, 2 world club cup medals, 8 charity shield medals and 1 super cup medal stolen.
Emmanuel Adebayor lost a kettle and a toaster.
Free to those that can afford it, very expensive to those that can't.
- youthful_implants
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Re: joke.
a man walking down a country road in NZ passes a farmer holding a sheep under his arm.
'shearing?' he says to the man
'naw she's all mine mate.' says the farmer.
'shearing?' he says to the man
'naw she's all mine mate.' says the farmer.