The Break Up Thread

universal sea · Post by **universal sea** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 9:29 pm

I'm sure all of us have been through at least one at some point. My recent one's been over a month and it's still tough... time is the only surefire way of getting through it, even if a lot of time is involved.

I wondered what people have learned over the years, coping mechanisms, ways of staying busy, how to focus on other things, maintain an active friendship (if that's possible), get over the mental issues of Their Next Person, etc.

I've discovered that people are so generous, giving, warm and understanding during times like this and friends really shine through, it's a beautiful thing. I've not had a "normal" break up before this one, mine are normally pretty dramatic, like moving to Australia from Canada, or living rough for a year back in the day. I've also not really had a close relative or friend die before so I can't put things in perspective like that.

I kind of like the lingering sadness in some way, it's a different, somewhat rare emotion, and a lot of power can come from it. Part of the pleasure of sadness is knowing it is temporary. My work, music and movie right now are reaping the benefits but I still don't have the full drive I'd like.

I figure this thread will be good for everybody looking back on at any time. Interesting break up stories? Happy endings? Perspective stories?

Life goes on.

obliveus · Post by **obliveus** » Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:06 pm

Original post edited

Sea, it sucks now, but just stay busy. You will get through it and it will get easier. I'm sure you know this already, but I know when yer in it, it's hard to see...or feel, that it will get better.

Direkt · Post by **Direkt** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:43 am

Hearin' ya OB and Sea... but I prefer not to chat about such things on a public forum.

One thing though - once I got over my last-ex (and we were in a pretty full-on relationship for a while, and it took AGES to get over), I realised what a bitch and headfuck she was (for the most part), and felt all the better for it.

almax · Post by **almax** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:02 am

tsk tsk, i was asked to take down the link

Fents · Post by **Fents** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:10 am

yer grass in always greener and hindsights fucking beautifull.

i realise now that the girl i thought "was the one" really wasnt. i was just blinded by sex and love.

after we broke up 4 years ago it took me at least 1 or 2 years to figure that one out.

keep yaself surronded by your good mates, go out and meet new lady's and just have fun being single for a while.

dust · Post by **dust** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:35 am

almax wrote:couldn't be as bad as this...

http://mymothertoldmenottoswear.blogspot.com/

Brett getting owned, think i know who it is too

shit, that's brutal.

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:41 am

Fents wrote:yer grass in always greener and hindsights fucking beautifull.

i realise now that the girl i thought "was the one" really wasnt. i was just blinded by sex and love.

after we broke up 4 years ago it took me at least 1 or 2 years to figure that one out.

keep yaself surronded by your good mates, go out and meet new lady's and just have fun being single for a while.

And catch a nice clean cab and throw up all over it when theres no one round to be unimpressed. Do the things you can't do when youre in a responsible partnership.

gnat · Post by **gnat** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:43 am

holy mother!

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:02 pm

breakups > everyone has had their heart broken or has broken a heart at least once i think.

break ups are painful but you have to go down to get up.

i find, after the hurt and rejection passes, being alone can be really liberating again.

friends are what counts to remind you all those dumb things like
'plenty more fish' and 'if its meant to be, it will"

then they take you out and call you fabulous and get you drunk
and remind you that you had loads of fun BEFORE whatever relationship.

yeah, ive had some pretty fucking awful breakups with psychotic dudes.
my first relationship when i was 18 with a 28 year old finally ended with a SWAT team, no shit.

but i still keep loving, and being open to what happens round every corner. breakups mean your now available for the next 'one' , casue I belevie there is more than one 'one''s out there for each of us,
if that makes sense.

almax · Post by **almax** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:24 pm

ghetto kitty wrote: I belevie there is more than one 'one''s out there for each of us,

SLLLLUT!.....

please dont take that personally i dont even know you

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:26 pm

thats it almax

fucking war

slander

BAN IMO!!!!

Direkt · Post by **Direkt** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:28 pm

Alvin!

Charlie73 · Post by **Charlie73** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:38 pm

Fents wrote:yer grass in always greener and hindsights fucking beautifull.

i realise now that the girl i thought "was the one" really wasnt. i was just blinded by sex and love.

after we broke up 4 years ago it took me at least 1 or 2 years to figure that one out.

keep yaself surronded by your good mates, go out and meet new lady's and just have fun being single for a while.

You moved onwards and upwards babes.... Besides you were worth more than that...

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:42 pm

Fents wrote:yer grass in always greener

I knew you thought along those lines.

universal sea · Post by **universal sea** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:49 pm

ghetto kitty wrote:
but i still keep loving, and being open to what happens round every corner. breakups mean your now available for the next 'one' , casue I belevie there is more than one 'one''s out there for each of us,
if that makes sense.

i agree, when you've learned to love once or twice, you can fall in that deep soulmate kinda love with anybody. providing they feel it back of course.

neither my ex or i can rule out having a serious future down the road either, but she's got some growing up to do first... i've got to single it up a bit too.

ah, the joys of time and life.

Charlie73 · Post by **Charlie73** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 12:58 pm

I had the ex-fiancee from hell....

Moved back to Aus to re-group myself, once i opened myself up again and had truly moved on mind body and spirit, i met the man that has kept a smile on my face for the past 3 years through thick and thin, in my bad moods and tears...

He rocks my world..

My advice: Learn from your past to decide exactley what you do want from a partner and what you will not accept, move forward and mostly be honest with yourself

deviant · Post by **deviant** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:03 pm

dust wrote:
almax wrote:couldn't be as bad as this...

http://mymothertoldmenottoswear.blogspot.com/

Brett getting owned, think i know who it is too
shit, that's brutal.

yeah, fully

nasty

DBoy · Post by **DBoy** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:06 pm

deviant wrote:
dust wrote:
almax wrote:couldn't be as bad as this...

http://mymothertoldmenottoswear.blogspot.com/

Brett getting owned, think i know who it is too
shit, that's brutal.
yeah, fully

nasty

ouch.

I have too many break ups.

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:07 pm

universal sea wrote:
ghetto kitty wrote:
but i still keep loving, and being open to what happens round every corner. breakups mean your now available for the next 'one' , casue I belevie there is more than one 'one''s out there for each of us,
if that makes sense.

i agree, when you've learned to love once or twice, you can fall in that deep soulmate kinda love with anybody. providing they feel it back of course.

i didnt mean you can fall in soul mate love with ANYBODY!!

i simply mean that people change, and I beleive you can have the 'one for right now' and that one of you or both of you may change, so the 'one' is not nesscarily forever. hence, more than 1 'ones'

but if you find the 'one' who can change and grow with you forever, then great!

im not a slut almax > just still looking.

universal sea · Post by **universal sea** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:22 pm

ah, I think you can... if you want to. naturally they will have to meet your expectations, and give you the loving back

ive had three now, all different types of chickies, all different degrees..

and know it can happen again when I want it and meet the right person I want to exert that focus on.

sluts are different creatures I think

----
edit on feb 11th for clarification

Correction - I've been in love three times... one definite soul mate, who after six years I let part, wasn't ready to settle down, and we were growing apart. The most loyal fantastic person I've ever met. My recent ex was on her way to becoming it... but hasn't experienced it before and I don't think she even had an idea such a thing existed. We will all love again people.

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:25 pm

universal sea wrote:ah, I think you can... if you want to. naturally they will have to meet your expectations, and give you the loving back

ive had three now, all different types of chickies, all different degrees..

and know it can happen again when I want it and meet the right person I want to exert that focus on.

sluts are different creatures I think

Sluts are wikkid chicks who are probably still looking for their true love.

Post by **Friday** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:30 pm

woah! that link is nuts almax!

one of the guys in the office here just read it and quoted cash money in regards to it: "they say hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. i say slap the bitch n keep on steppin".

Will · Post by **Will** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 2:39 pm

DBoy wrote:
deviant wrote:
dust wrote: shit, that's brutal.
yeah, fully

nasty
ouch.

I have too many break ups.

I can't find nasty stuff. Am I stupid or is it gone?

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 2:46 pm

will > see the first post

I Dated Mu-gen and All I Got Were These 11 Simple Lessons:

etc

pretty full on flaming!

Will · Post by **Will** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 2:57 pm

Ah, I am stupid. Didn't really read the title and realise Mu-gen was a guy and the whole thing was directed at him.

As broad statements about men generally, it's actually pretty valid.

DBoy · Post by **DBoy** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 3:09 pm

guess it is a bit different cause some people on here know him i think.

dust · Post by **dust** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 3:27 pm

DBoy wrote:guess it is a bit different cause some people on here know him i think.

...and his girlfriend. Its dark!

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 3:43 pm

Will wrote:Ah, I am stupid. Didn't really realise
As broad statements about me generally, it's actually pretty valid.

Needs more self loving.

obliveus · Post by **obliveus** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:03 pm

ghetto kitty wrote:will > see the first post

I Dated Mu-gen and All I Got Were These 11 Simple Lessons:

etc

pretty full on flaming!

When I read this the first time, I thought you'd dated Brett, Bo.

You reckon it's true what she wrote?

Will · Post by **Will** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:06 pm

black star wrote:
Will wrote:Ah, I am stupid. Didn't really realise
As broad statements about me generally, it's actually pretty valid.
Needs more self loving.

Ah, no. My self gets plenty of love, don't you worry.

same o · Post by **same o** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:06 pm

lol at the link..

DBoy · Post by **DBoy** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:07 pm

obliveus wrote:
ghetto kitty wrote:will > see the first post

I Dated Mu-gen and All I Got Were These 11 Simple Lessons:

etc

pretty full on flaming!
When I read this the first time, I thought you'd dated Brett, Bo.

You reckon it's true what she wrote?

i dont know or care, but i dont think it should be discussed here.

Polecat · Post by **Polecat** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:23 pm

No comment from me on the impending 3 month anniversary of my singledom and how I have been coping with the changes in my life, since the ex still reads this forum.

One comment then... just one. Thank God for good friends!

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:34 pm

obliveus wrote:
ghetto kitty wrote:will > see the first post

I Dated Mu-gen and All I Got Were These 11 Simple Lessons:

etc

pretty full on flaming!
When I read this the first time, I thought you'd dated Brett, Bo.

nope, not me. i know of him, but dont know him.

all i know is breakups bring out the worst in people.

Will · Post by **Will** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:49 pm

ghetto kitty wrote:
obliveus wrote:
ghetto kitty wrote:will > see the first post

I Dated Mu-gen and All I Got Were These 11 Simple Lessons:

etc

pretty full on flaming!
When I read this the first time, I thought you'd dated Brett, Bo.

nope, not me. i know of him, but dont know him.

all i know is breakups bring out the worst in people.

Just head down to any Family Court sometime. Fucked up shit in the hizzous.

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:50 pm

judge judy knows.

same o · Post by **same o** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 5:21 pm

i love judge judy... funniest show there is..
lol at americans

obliveus · Post by **obliveus** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:25 pm

sAme'0 wrote:i love judge judy... funniest show there is..
lol at americans

same o · Post by **same o** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 9:47 am

obliveus wrote:
sAme'0 wrote:i love judge judy... funniest show there is..
lol at americans

yeah u have been asimilated though..

universal sea · Post by **universal sea** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:28 am

Polecat wrote:No comment from me on the impending 3 month anniversary of my singledom and how I have been coping with the changes in my life, since the ex still reads this forum.

One comment then... just one. Thank God for good friends!

live on brutha. you're getting there, a little bit more left.

Polecat · Post by **Polecat** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:48 am

Indeed. I have been looking to the future since new years. It meant a new start for me.

Fents · Post by **Fents** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:51 am

Sea and PC both single eh??????????????????????

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 12:07 pm

Fents wrote:Sea and PC both single eh??????????????????????

He he. Fents plays cupid and it jsut about St Valenttines dayas well.

Polecat · Post by **Polecat** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 12:34 pm

hahaha. you cheeky beggar Fents!

Smile on Impact · Post by **Smile on Impact** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 12:49 pm

ghetto kitty wrote:
...all i know is breakups bring out the worst in people.

Some times the best.

Often, one can be complacent in a relationship.
Nothing like a good break up to motivate you, into getting the most out of your short little life.

obliveus · Post by **obliveus** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 1:39 pm

Smile on Impact wrote:
ghetto kitty wrote:
...all i know is breakups bring out the worst in people.
Some times the best.

Often, one can be complacent in a relationship.
Nothing like a good break up to motivate you, into getting the most out of your short little life.

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 1:56 pm

Smile on Impact wrote:
ghetto kitty wrote:
...all i know is breakups bring out the worst in people.
Some times the best.

Often, one can be complacent in a relationship.
Nothing like a good break up to motivate you, into getting the most out of your short little life.

mmm your right, very true.

i was thinking of getting these words tatooed on me for a while.

"Life is short. Love Hard."

Smile on Impact · Post by **Smile on Impact** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:08 pm

ghetto kitty wrote:
"Life is short. Love Hard."

Nice..
are you gonna play scrabble or what ?

ghetto kitty · Post by **ghetto kitty** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:11 pm

fuck scrabble!!!

i like scrabble when it involves mai tais and a thai beach,
not cuntfacebook.

got another game arlo?

Smile on Impact · Post by **Smile on Impact** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:15 pm

he he.
I must admit, it dosen't appear to be your strong suit
that's why I wanted to play.

I've updated My Myspace tunes if anyone want to take a listen.

3 new tracks from the 'ever-forthcoming' album.