I wanna help my Mum...

mixtress · Post by **mixtress** » Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:57 pm

I need some ideas to get my Mum back into life. Ever since Dad died 3 years ago she's gone from depressed to listless to completely bored out of her skull. Being so close to her every day, I'm having trouble thinking of things to help her get out of the house or to give her something to create/nurture etc cause I know the excuses she'll use to avoid change.

She loves her garden and works on it every day. It's at night that she just seems to lose the plot. She plays some basic games on the computer and watches telly but it's not enough. My Mum is bright and curious and such a beautiful woman but I see her fading as soon as the sun goes down. My sisters and I enrolled her in a Home Maintenance course at Holmesglen cause she loves fixing up the house but she turned it down. She hates being out of her comfort zone and it's a nightmare trying to convince her that she needs to get out and be social again.

I need some ideas please. Because she speaks broken English, she's not very confident about holding her own in a conversation with people she doesn't know. This I find very weird considering she's studied naturopathy and works with herbs every day and has so much knowledge and wisdom to share.

Can anyone suggest some stuff she can do that could help give her a renewed sense of purpose? My company isn't enough for her any more, she needs something big to kick start her again.

Thanks guys, I'd really appreciate any thoughts you can throw at me.

Rob M · Post by **Rob M** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 1:17 am

Hey Mixxy, that's a pretty hard place for your mum to be.

Boredom can just be a sign of good procrastination. She might already have things on her mind (and gets them done during the day), but as soon as nightfall hits it could seem like she's getting into a routine or having what seems to be closed off behavior and distant feelings that are less than lively...

The biggest thing I know is having a network of friends who have similar interests. They keep you sane.

Even getting out of your comfort zone is something everyone must do in order to grow. Something analogous to her understanding of ecology.

If broken English is something that you think needs to be looked at, maybe a course in ESL would help communicate with other people of varied backgrounds.

Doing a road trip around melbourne/vic could be great, take a camera ... make tourist shots. re-live scenarios or places you used to live. Check out the places where certain events occurred that made you happy, made you sad.

Also, consider doing a scrapbook/journal with all her fondest memories about everyone and everything of importance. Having a centralised honey pot of memento's really gives the person doing it a sense of pride. Pride then hopefully transforms into drive, love, accomplishment -- which further hopefully motivates into areas of completing what was being procrastinated.

A renewed sense of purpose is a strong thing to try and tackle though. It's like transplanting old habits and behaviors with new forms of action, priorities and things to do...

a1studmuffin · Post by **a1studmuffin** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 2:51 am

Does she have any hobbies or things she's interested in that she's never pursued before? eg. My mum has gotten heavily into quilting and has met quite a few people from chatting at supply stores etc.

Have you considered a pet? It's a biiiig biig commitment obviously, so best to check first to see if she'd like one, but a cat or a dog could be a great way of giving her a sense of companionship, give her something to do daily (take the dog for a walk) and get a bit of exercise, potentially meet people as well.

Lizkins · Post by **Lizkins** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 3:47 am

Mixxy this would be more appropriate for the gripe thread.

do you really want this much detail about your mum on the forum?

Blaxter · Post by **Blaxter** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 4:45 am

in before lochness

quick · Post by **quick** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:53 am

Lizkins wrote:do you really want this much detail about your mum on the forum?

for real... this aint just a place for your friends an shit... anyone can come here, so its best to keep most things personal (like this obviously is) between you and close friends.

Its so not wise to devolge such meaningful personal stuff on a forum, for your own safety.

SoulWhiteMan · Post by **SoulWhiteMan** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 10:58 am

not neccesarily quick, i was blown away by the response and opinions of people when I asked for help because my mate was turning into a paranoid nutcase after too much wizz fizz, pills and smoke...

DBoy · Post by **DBoy** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:03 am

true, SWM, but i for one are all for personnal secuirty. I am not going to remove this thread bcause I like to think we are a caring community, however, Mixy, please think of your Mum on this one. She would certianly not approve of this public display, it is up to you to remove.

mixtress · Post by **mixtress** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:21 am

I am thinking of my Mum, trust me, that's why I wrote. I'm at my wits end worried about her, and an outside view from people who don't know her is just the injection of inspiration my sisters and I need.

DBoy, I really appreciate you giving me the option and not locking the thread. I'd like to keep it up for one more day and then you can delete it if you want to. One little idea can spark a train of thought that just might help. I've already found some responses useful, thanks for the assist guys

Lauer · Post by **Lauer** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:58 pm

What about a gardening forum???

I googled it and came up with this...

http://www.gardenexpress.com.au/forum/

Does she have the internet? It might be worth considering... Maybe sign her up, do an introduction post and she'll be hooked in no time.

Could get her Skype too so she could chat to friends and family overseas.

She could stay in her comfort zone and maybe get her some gardening buddies close by.

ash-man · Post by **ash-man** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 5:46 pm

sorry to hear about your predicament mixtress. my auntie lost her husband and son in the space of a month and didnt recover fully from it for about 5-6 years. its a slow and painful process and to be honest, the best way to cope is family.

from what i saw, no amount of interaction with people could fill the gaping hole left in my aunts life and she lost interest in work and her social life for a long time. it was sad to see the look in her eye, the "i give up" look. its very important for u not to think your company isnt enough anymore because it's the single most important thing that can carry your mother out of this tough time. your mom needs your whole family to do things together.

but sadly, time is the only real remedy.

Little Evil · Post by **Little Evil** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 6:36 pm

Hey Mixy,
Just had a look for you on the net, and checked out some of the garden clubs here in vic.
Looks to me to be where like-minded people get together to talk about and display their own gardens. And even go on social trips away together too.
Might be good for your Mum to get amongst some people who have the same passion, and even make some new friends.

Just an idea.

Here's the link.

http://www.mcmedia.com.au/cgi/garden/cd-v.html

I know how you feel. My Mum got diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and after much heartbreak, surgery, radio therapy and chemo - and then the long awaited 'all clear,' she immersed herself in getting fit, and does those 'step into life' programs down the park every morning, and has met lots of new friends, and is now as happy as I've ever seen her.
Just getting out amongst it is the hardest part, after a serious ordeal. But once they take that step, people who've been really hurt can start to heal. IMO.

Hope that helps in some way.
And I hope your Mum pushes through.
I'm sure she will.

mecka · Post by **mecka** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:44 pm

ash-man wrote:but sadly, time is the only real remedy.

kingsley · Post by **kingsley** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:34 pm

Lizkins wrote:Mixxy this would be more appropriate for the gripe thread.

Are you serious? A gripe?

Hardy · Post by **Hardy** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:46 pm

kingsley wrote:
Lizkins wrote:Mixxy this would be more appropriate for the gripe thread.
Are you serious? A gripe?

Well perhaps we could start creating a thread for all different levels of disgruntledness. The 'mildy irritated' thread? The 'i got a beef' thread? The 'i'm really pissed off and unhappy' thread?

Or maybe we could remember that this is a drum n bass board and that if things are really that bad in our lives, we should probably be discussing it with our friends and families.

almax · Post by **almax** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 11:59 pm

introduce her to hallucinogens...

Hardy · Post by **Hardy** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:02 am

On the real, Mixxy, where is your ma from? There are social clubs in Melbourne for any and every possible ethnic denomination, so maybe you could hook her up with one of those?

The gardening club thing is a good call too.

kingsley · Post by **kingsley** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:04 am

Hardy wrote:Well perhaps we could start creating a thread for all different levels of disgruntledness. The 'mildy irritated' thread? The 'i got a beef' thread? The 'i'm really pissed off and unhappy' thread?

It wouldn't be too far from the truth really, would it?

Hardy wrote:Or maybe we could remember that this is a drum n bass board and that if things are really that bad in our lives, we should probably be discussing it with our friends and families.

Or maybe we should remember that this isn't just a drum n bass board, or a breaks board, or a [enter genre here] board, but a board for the melbourne "beat appreciation" community - many of whom are friends (and possibly family) with eachother.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to start a fight - I just thought that after the honest post of The Mixtress (whom I don't know, and have not met), to pigeonhole her heartfelt posting for help as a mere "gripe" was a bit fucking insensitive. I have no idea if her "friends or family" are members of this board, (regardless of the fact that some good advice has been posted), but some form of courtesy should be paid.

This place is SO very polite for most of the time.... ahh whatever, sorry to come off grumpy, it's just been a long day.

Hardy · Post by **Hardy** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:06 am

kingsley wrote:
Hardy wrote:Well perhaps we could start creating a thread for all different levels of disgruntledness. The 'mildy irritated' thread? The 'i got a beef' thread? The 'i'm really pissed off and unhappy' thread?
It wouldn't be too far from the truth really, would it?

Hardy wrote:Or maybe we could remember that this is a drum n bass board and that if things are really that bad in our lives, we should probably be discussing it with our friends and families.
Or maybe we should remember that this isn't just a drum n bass board, or a breaks board, or a [enter genre here] board, but a board for the melbourne "beat appreciation" community - many of whom are friends (and possibly family) with eachother.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to start a fight - I just thought that after the honest post of The Mixtress (whom I don't know, and have not met), to pigeonhole her heartfelt posting for help as a mere "gripe" was a bit fucking insensitive. I have no idea if her "friends or family" are members of this board, (regardless of the fact that some good advice has been posted), but some form of courtesy should be paid.

This place is SO very polite for most of the time.... ahh whatever, sorry to come off grumpy, it's just been a long day.

I do apologise to the greater beats community out there, as this is not just a dnb board.

mecka · Post by **mecka** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:49 am

Lock please.

Rob M · Post by **Rob M** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 3:10 am

.
.
.
.
... had to do it.

mecka · Post by **mecka** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:29 am

You've never been funny mate but thanks for your desperate attempts all these years.

mixtress · Post by **mixtress** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:43 am

Mods, you can go ahead and lock this thread now (but please don't delete as I haven't noted down all the info yet).

My appreciation goes out for the advice and related stories, I can't thank you enough.